"What You Once Were Isn't What You Want To Be Anymore..."

Hey folks,

Happy New Year to everyone! I wanted to write about something a little bit different this time rather than my daily itinerary in Ashdod. Not much has changed in that department: school has improved a lot and I've settled into a routine, program day-trips are still pleasant and enjoyable, and I'm still getting along with most of the people in my program. Being the time of the year for New Years Resolutions, I thought I would take some time for introspection. I'm not the New Years resolution-making type. I usually don't have the motivation to stick to my guns and keep up with a resolution for a whole year and I prefer to take baby steps rather than making grandiose efforts. However, the coming of the New Year has caused me to think about the past three and a half months (I can't believe it's been that long!), how I've changed or haven't changed, and new things I have discovered about myself.

I came to do this volunteer stint in Israel for multiple reasons. First of all, I really do enjoy volunteering and helping people. Whether it has been my position in the fraternity as philanthropy chair, my musical efforts in highschool at the Kitsilano Tsunami Benefit Concert, or dating all the way back to my trips to Blenheim Lodge to spend time with seniors when I was 8 years old, I have always gotten satisfaction out of a certain level of benevolence. I hope to continue this trend for my entire life and will seek future endeavours to do so. Second of all, I fell in love with Israel during my brief trip here for Birthright during June of 2009 and wanted the opportunity to return to see the real Israel. I wasn't so ignorant as to believe that the whirlwind tour we were fed for free during our 10 day stay was a realistic representation of the country. I wanted the opportunity to explore for myself and see if my appreciation for the homeland was authentic. I am happy to say that I have not been disappointed so far, and Israel really is a magnificent country. The landscapes, the people, the language, and the heart of the state of Israel continue to amaze me and I will definitely miss the country when I eventually return to Canada. However, the third and most important reason I embarked on this adventure, though some may say it is selfish and cliche, was and still is for self-discovery. After 21 years of living in the same city, most of that time spent living in the same neighbourhood and hanging out with the same friends, I needed something drastically different to really learn about the world and about myself. I am happy to say that so far I have learned more about myself than I thought I would. I had a close friend tell me recently that going away for a year is a life-changing experience, but when you return back home, nothing has changed, nothing except you that is. As I near the beginning of my fourth month abroad, I am sensing more and more truth in her wisdom...

The first and most striking thing I have learned is about my living preferences. I have lived in many different accommodations and with many different people over the past four years. In a fraternity with thirty guys.... in a fraternity with 30 girls... in a tiny basement suite with one of my best guy friends... in a tiny basement suite with one of my best girl friends... in a party house with 4 friends my age... and now, in a villa with 8 other people, all with very different personalities and ideas of what it means to be a roommate. Before coming to Israel, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought "Hey, I've undergone enough difficult roommate situations that I can handle anything!" Boy was I wrong! Never let your guard down and assume that you have mastered anything in life. There is always more to learn and more experiences to knock you back down a notch. Living in this villa has been one of the most challenging experiences for me so far in Israel, far outweighing culture shock, inexperience in a classroom, threats of a looming war, and a no-bacon diet! The unfortunate thing about the villa is well... almost everything! The place is quite run down, appliances don't work very well, heating and air conditioning are sporadic, the house sounds like it's going to cave in during a storm, and the majority of the people I'm living with are incredibly noisy, messy, and overall verging on inconsiderate when it comes to sharing a living space. This experience has really made me realize the err of some of my ways in the past when I lived with other people. Never again will I leave a dish unwashed next to the sink! When I return to Vancouver, I plan on finding an affordable place on the East Side and will either live alone, or with one other person. I am at the point in my life that I no longer appreciate living with a large number of people or with a large level of noise, and I can't tolerate a large level of clutter or mess! Maybe that makes me lame and a prude, or maybe that just means I'm growing up...

The second thing I have learned is that I tend to want to be perceived as a nice guy and will make sacrifices in order to uphold this perception. I have noticed this most with my current living situation. I won't say anything if noise is keeping me up because I don't want to be "that guy"... I'll let it go if the girls are letting in the cat sometimes even if it's giving me sneezing attacks... I won't protest if a roommate asks to smoke out the window in the house even though every bone in my body is telling me to say "no" so I don't have to smell it for the next 24 hours... these things seem relatively minute, but they build up over time and I find myself asking why I don't say something? Am I being a pushover? Why do I care so much about what other people think? With most of my roommates leaving next week back to the States, I will be moving over to the apartments to live with new roommates, and I'm hoping I will adopt a new, more assertive role where I can speak my mind, hopefully in the least abrasive manner possible.

I have also further solidified some of my pre-existing interests and talents over here. I love playing cards and shooting the shit with friends, learning new languages, and pushing myself to hike for the exhilirating view from the top. New interests have spawned as well, including a strong passion for cooking (something that runs in the family), and a talent for research into traveling. In fact, while my friend Bianca was here, she was so impressed by my organizational skills when looking at my SEA itinerary, she actually had a dream where I started a business in which I planned peoples' trips for them based on their personalities and interests, down to the last detail. She said her mom would book through me in a second! I know over the next few months, I will continue to develop many new hobbies and interests and drop others. My tastes change gradually the longer I'm away from home...

Living in Ashdod makes me realize how much I really do appreciate my life in Vancouver. I am blessed to have such a wonderful family, such amazing friends, and such an incredible city as the setting for my journies through life. I know that my perception of Vancouver will be different when I return, as a city is never quite the same when you have had the chance to compare it to others, but hopefully, life will seem that much richer when I step of the plane into my adulthood. Scratch that, hope isn't necessary; I know it will be richer.

As always, I love to hear what you guys think and I miss you all. Any comments are appreciated, whether it be advice, support, stories from home, or disgust at the ego-driven essay I have just posted for the entire public to see. And as always, feel free to guess what song I took the blog title from.

Ciao for now,

Max