Hey folks,
Things continue to go pretty well over here. Shabbat dinners with students are keeping me full, nights out with new friends are keeping me busy, albeit tired and loopy with what my roommate refers to as the "sleepy ha-ha's," and there's a race to look forward to next weekend, and a trip to Eilat after that. It is hard to believe that I have spent just under 5 months here already, and it is exactly three weeks from today that I take off for Thailand. I have never had a year go by quicker than this and with so little time left, I have started to get a little sad, and definitely contemplative.
Life in Israel in this program sometimes feels like a dream, a break away from reality where real responsibility does not really exist. It has had its moments where I have wanted to be woken up, but for the most part it is a welcome respite from daily life in Vancouver. It has been an incredible learning experience for me, in all facets of my life. The teaching experience, despite its challenges, has reaffirmed for me that I really do like children and want to have a career working with them. The living arrangements have given me new perspective on what I can deal with and what I can't deal with when it comes to personalities under the same roof. What I thought I didn't like in the villa was the lack of cleanliness and things not working, etc. Now I see that was part of it, but in the apartment, there exist the same problems and it doesn't bug me. Ultimately, it comes down to positive or negative energy and the people around you, and the negative energy in the villa was rampant. My experiences with new people have made me feel good about myself because of all the positive feedback I have been getting. This is a big one because I can have the tendency to be self-deprecating and not value certain things in myself when I should. On top of that, I struggled socially a lot during the first half of the program, and that was something that caught me completely off guard because I'm usually a very social person. Now I see that my attempts are only half of it, and the rest is up to the people around me; I can't control how they perceive me or whether they want to accept my olive branch.
Lastly, I have further affirmed that there is some invisible magnetic force in this world that attracts amazing girls to asshole/uninterested guys, and although this magnetism diminishes as girls get older, it is still a force to be reckoned with at my age. I have had a slightly rough past couple of days for this very reason. There are a lot of couples forming on this trip and the opportunity for me hasn't really presented itself, or at least not with someone that I'm interested in myself. My ego is stroked by the new girls every day, with compliments about how I'm such a "nice guy", but this doesn't add up to anything romantically and I can't quite understand it. Can someone fill me in with their infinite wisdom on why this pattern exists? I was told by a roommate the other day that I spend too much time in the friend zone and then I get stuck there, that I need to be more aggressive and possibly even meaner to get that kind of attention from girls. But that advice seems counter-productive to me. Girls out there: Does it really work to be a jerk, make yourself completely unavailable, and make insensitive remarks? I love the fact that I have made so many great friends whom I will remain friends with in such a short amount of time, however, there is someone I have a legitimate connection with, and I'm frustrated every day when I see her with guys who don't recognize all the things that I see in her. In summary, I'm sick of my bad timing and unrequited feelings and want to find myself in a situation where there is a mutual connection.
But enough of my romantic ramblings... in the end, I leave in three weeks and the possibility of a sustainable worthwhile relationship in such a short amount of time is but a pipe dream. I need to direct all of this devotion to something more productive, such as getting the last things done for my trip to SEA. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet someone there too... can't resist the cliche, "there's plenty of fish in the sea."
As always, I miss you all, and advice and commentary is certainly welcome. It always helps to hear from good friends in times of confusion and frustration such as these.
Ciao for now,
Max
What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running
And hiding much too long
You know it's just your foolish pride
________
You've got me on my knees
________
I'm begging, darling, please
________
Darling, won't you ease my worried mind?
I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down
Like a fool
I fell in love with you
You turned my whole world upside down
________
You've got me on my knees
________
I'm begging, darling, please
________
Darling, won't you ease my worried mind?
Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane
Please don't say
We'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain
________
You've got me on my knees
________
I'm begging, darling, please
________
Darling, won't you ease my worried mind?
Layla!...oh yeah!!!
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